Soap
by Kaija West
Summary: Ricky tries to find a way to deal with spider mites in the plants again.


A quick and dirty little fic, no beta so please forgive any mistakes ... except for "Ricky-speak" cause those "mistakes" are intentional of course ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, please don't sue me cause I'm about one rent cheque away from having to move into a trailer myself.

Soap

"Look at them - there full of those fucking spider mites again," Ricky said, motioning to the infected pot plants, an unlit smoke securely stuck between his fingers.

"Well that's gonna be a problem, boys," Bubbles warned. He began bobbing and weaving slightly, the confines of the small trailer limiting his nervous movements. "No ladybugs this time of year."

"What do ya mean no ladybugs?" Ricky asked. They'd been a pain in the ass to capture last time (meaning he'd had to actually go and watch Trevor and Cory catch the little buggers rather than tell them what to do, snag a couple smokes and tell them to fuck off and do it already) but the bugs had done the job and saved the crop.

"What Bubbles means, Rick, is it's too cold now. All the ladybugs are gone for the year," Julian patiently explained to Ricky. He took a couple sips of his drink trying to finish it before the ice melted.

"That's right," Bubbles said. "They all migrated out of here already." Bubbles saw the look of confusion on the Ricky's face. He was pretty sure that's what he was seeing anyway. It was a small trailer and Ricky was standing only a couple feet away lighting his cigarette. "They're all gone Ricky, and they won't come back to this area until spring."

"Spring!" Ricky exploded.

"Yeah, that's gonna be a problem, " Julian admitted, looking at the black spotted plants.

"Fuck this migraine-ation bullshit. Can't we just go drive over to ladybugland and get some there?" They couldn't have gone that far, he figured. And if they did - well that's what Corey and Trevor were for.

"It's not that simple, man," Julian said. He didn't like the idea of mites eating their plants anymore than Ricky did. Might as well have been spider mites eating through $20 bills on plant stocks.

This was bad.

"This is bullshit!" Ricky announced. He slammed the door of the trailer as he left.

"What're we gonna do Julian?" Bubbles worriedly asked.

Julian took a swig of his drink and admitted, "I don't know, Bubs."

* * *

Ricky was headed back to his car, still fuming over the mess of spider mites and the lack of ladybugs in Nova Scotia.

"Such bullshit," he said, not bothering to slow down or face the camera man. "Those books tell you things and then sometimes they work and then sometimes times they don't. If there gonna keep changing their minds then what the hell good is that?"

He spotted Trinity riding her bike down the road towards him. "Hey Trin!" Ricky called out, a genuine smile coming to his face, spider mites and ladybugs forgotten for the moment. Ricky's multitasking skills were limited to put it mildly, but what he lacked in concentration he more than made up for in sincerity and devotion when it came to his family.

"Hey Dad." Trinity stopped her bike. Well, okay not HER bike but the bike she had been using without the actual owner's knowledge for the past week and a half. "What's going on?"

"Daddy's just got some gardening bug problems again, Sweety," Ricky said.

"Spider mites in the dope again?" Trinity questioned, her familiarity with the situation clear.

"Yeah, and that book on horbiculture doesn't work anymore."

"There's new books at the library," Trinity suggested. "They got a whole bunch of new ones last week. We went on a field trip for school."

"Really?"

"Yeah and we all got cards," Trinity announced, proudly pulling a shiny new library card out of her pocket. "I didn't think I was going to use it but maybe you can."

Ricky, at the request of the crew, later explained for the camera: "That bitch at the libary conversated my card last time I was there. Fucking stupid, all I did was light my smoke and ask her little book helper if she knew where I could score some decent dope and she took my card and cut it in half!"

Ricky looked at the library card. It had Trinity's picture on it. He handed it back to her. "Thanks Sweety but I don't have time right now to change the picture and birthday." He'd had more than enough practice altering IDs over the years that a kids' library card wasn't a challenge. However, it was too time consuming. Besides, he'd stopped messing with IDs a while ago 'cause all the new ones had too many words and inevitably he'd misspell one. Shouldn't matter, he thought, they could tell what he'd meant, but people got funny about that kind of thing - like one word spelled wrong meant all that time was for nothing and suddenly the ID didn't count. Ricky was happy that as soon as he could grow facial hair he didn't have to worry about messing with IDs anymore.

"You can take me with you," Trinity suggested.

Ricky stopped to consider this. After a long pause he decided it was time to get the clearing stick because they were heading out of Sunnyvale. "Let's go boys," he said to the camera crew. "We're going to the libary."

* * *

"Ah, what the fuck is this?" Ricky said to himself. Randy and Lahey had put the stupid gate back again and it was in the down position. Ricky slowed the car to a stop, looking out his side window, his eye line even with Randy's enormous, furry gut.

"I got this Randy," Lahey shooed Randy away and came up the car's driver's side window. Lahey rested his right hand on the roof of the car, looming and leaning in the window slightly. The position was one he'd taken plenty of times while on the force when he'd pulled over a perp. Of course nowadays it had more to do with keeping him upright than anything else.

"Taking the shit apple out for some shit training, Ricky?" Lahey asked.

"If you must know, Lahey, I'm taking my daughter to the libary," Ricky said, trying to ignore the fumes coming off Lahey's breath. Ricky had a high tolerance for alcohol himself, but when Lahey got up in his face and breathed on him in a confined area it was like one step below hot-boxing.

"Right," Lahey drawled, unconvinced. "And I'm going to go pave the all the roads in Sunnyvale with gold while you're gone."

"Do what you gotta do," Ricky said to Lahey. "But can you get the Cheeseburger monster out of the way before I put a dent in my car?"

"Rand," Lahey said and motioned for Randy to stand down and get out of the way from blocking the car. "I don't know what you're up to, Ricky, but you better watch out, boy."

"Watch yourself, jackass," Ricky said as he slammed on the gas, catching the edge of the half-raised gate on the roof of the car. Both the car and the gate sustained damage and Lahey supervised as Randy found himself picking up pieces of both from the stone drive for the next several minutes.

* * *

Ricky and Trinity made a quick detour at the Tim Horton's drive-thru.

"Yes, the damned lid wasn't on right and now I'm all burned up. My hands all messed up and I didn't want to have to call my brother the lawyer but you know..." Ricky let the threat hang and within seconds the manager was coming on over the loudspeaker, apologetically offering anything they could.

Ricky ordered up some donuts and coffee for himself and Trinity.

"Trin, grab me that roll there," Ricky pointed at the passenger's floorboard area. Trinity came up with a joint which Ricky plucked from her fingers and tucked safely into his pack of smokes. "Not that, the duck-tape roll."

Driving around the building corner with his knee, Ricky pulled up to the back of the line of several cars waiting for their purchases. He wrapped some duct tape and slightly grease stained old napkins he found on the seat around his hand to help sell his "burnt by coffee with a bad lid" story. He inspected the grey taped mess and decided it looked pretty much just how he'd have done it if he really had been burnt. He was satisfied with it when he noticed that Trinity had been swiping a few of his smokes while he'd been distracted.

"Hey, hey! I only have those ones left. Don't be taking them all and leaving me short," he warned the 8 year old. Trinity snagged one more cigarette form the pack before handing it back to her father. "Once I get this latest crop dried and sold we're gonna have enough money to get you back on the patch Trin."

Trinity sighed, not terribly impressed.

* * *

Ricky sent Trinity into the library and took a seat in the passenger's side of the car, feet hanging out the side. He lit another smoke and began talking to the camera: "Ever since I got my Grade 10, I been figuring lots more stuff. Used to think I needed Julian to ... do all the figurin' out but now I'm gonna do it for myself."

* * *

"Look for spider mites," Ricky said as he drove and Trinity flipped through the glossy new book. She'd got the book and been back to the car pretty quickly. She also had a nice new jacket that Ricky didn't notice but the camera crew was aware she hadn't been wearing when she went in. They knew better than to comment though.

Ricky snagged another donut from the box, not noticing that powdered sugar now clung to his beard and around his mouth. It was hard to drive, finish your smoke, look over at the pictures in the book Trinity had, and eat donuts at the same time. Something was bound to suffer and for all the occupants in the car, a little spilled food was the most preferable consequence.

Trinity was not a great reader but she was miles ahead of where Ricky had been when he was her age. Actually, she was probably a stronger reader than he was now. "It says you can buy this soap and you spray the leaves and it kills the mites."

"Soap? Mum has some dish soap again, right?" Ricky asked, thinking of Lucy's comparatively well stocked kitchen. Didn't take much to outdo him in the kitchen supplies department but if he had what he needed to make some chicken fingers then as far as Ricky was concerned, he was all set. He didn't remember shoving any bottles of dish soap off the car hood earlier so raiding Lucy's cabinets seemed like a good idea. Sarah was good at making sure the kitchen was stocked with all that kind of stuff.

"Not dish soap, Dad. It says it's special soap. You have to get it at a store that sells garden supplies."

All this for spider mites. This was way more complicated than Ricky was hoping for. 'This had better be an awesome fucking crop,' he thought.

* * *

Ricky dropped Trinity back at Lucy's. Somehow she'd talked him into letting her take the rest of the box of donuts and two more of his smokes with her. After she left the car, Ricky admitted he had no idea where she got to be so good at getting stuff from people. The camera crew held their tongues though Lahey's persistent comments about "shit apples" were, they had come to realize, crudely accurate.

Ricky ended up taking Bubbles with him to the mall. Apparently there was a sale on tinned cat food at Zellers and his friend was feeling flush with $12.38 in change burning a hole in his pocket. It was also about time for another shopping cart round up and Bubbles planned to do a little recon to see if there were enough derelict carts in the ditch to warrant the gas it'd take to bring his go-kart and trailer. If there weren't enough carts in the ditch when he checked, he'd make sure there was plenty down there by the time he and Ricky left.

They headed into the store. Bubbles had coupons for cat food in his hands and was eager to stock up on chow and treats for his kitties. Ricky had a page torn out of the library book half stuffed in his shirt pocket. It had a picture of the soap stuff he needed to save his dope plants.

The boys split up, each in search of what they needed to keep their objects of their passion healthy and happy. Ricky headed over to the area where they kept the shampoo and bath stuff. Bubbles mumbled excitedly to himself, thankful that he knew where in the store they kept the stuff for kitties because the signs hanging from the ceiling were too small to read in this place.

Ricky walked down an aisles of toiletries and was immediately lost.

"What the fuck! There's like a million different soaps here," he said aloud, frustrated. The wall of plastic bottles seemed to go on forever and Ricky started wondering again just how far away Ladybuglandia really was. "Fuck!"

Several shoppers skittered out of the aisle avoiding either the omnipresent camera crew or the angry, cursing guy with the ripped shirt and track pants.

* * *

Bubbles had loaded up his basket with food and treats for his kitties and was about to go searching for Ricky when he heard shouting.

"Ooooh that's not good," he grumbled, heading in the direction of the commotion. He really didn't want to get kicked out before he had a chance to buy his kitty food but he had to make sure Ricky didn't get himself into too much trouble.

"Ricky?" Bubbles asked, poking his head down the aisle, eyes open widely in an attempt to take in the scene. It looked like there were a couple sales people there and maybe the manager, it was hard to tell. "Everything okay?"

"No! All I said is I can't find the fucking incest-icidal soap and these assholes start telling me I can't be here and they," he motioned to the camera crew, "can't be here and all I need is some fucking soap!"

"Ricky," Bubbles said in a warning tone. He wasn't as good at keeping Ricky under control as Julian was but he was going to have to get his friend calmed down before they all got booted out and he lost out on his cat food.

"Sir," one of the employees approached Bubbles. "Maybe you can explain to your friend here that we can't have him coming in high, swearing and shouting obscene words in the store. This is a family establishment!"

"Family establishm- I wouldn't bring MY family here. Can't even get some FUCKING INCEST SOAP!"

The camera man and the boom guy exchanged looks knowing they'd just caught another great sound bite.

* * *

"Insecticidal soap," Julian read the container. "This looks good, Ricky. Says it kills mites and it's safe."

They each took a bottle and began spraying their crop.

"Listen man," Ricky began. "I know I gave you a hard time a few years ago about your book learnin' but ever since I got my Grade 10 I think I get it now. Feel like maybe I'm not so dumb in the head anymore."

Julian covered his drink with his hand as the overspray from Ricky's bottle came perilously close to his glass. "I'm proud of you, Rick. You figured this one out all on your own. And looks like it's working."

They leaned in close and watched as the black specks stopped moving over the wet leaves.

Ricky decided not to mention that Trinity had helped him figure out to get a new book and then gone in the library to fetch it for him. He didn't mention that Bubbles had prevented him from breaking the store managers smug face or that the camera guy had explained to the mall cops that Ricky was just upset about his plants and that no, it wasn't coke under his nose, it was just powdered donut sugar (which had to go down as the first time someone had lied for him that he wasn't on drugs and it actually WAS the truth).

Ricky decided that he'd enjoy the credit that his Grade 10 earned him.

"Incest soap is better than stupid lady bugs," Ricky said, smiling proudly down at his recovering crop.

And it did indeed turn out to be a very fucking awesome dope crop.


End file.
